My blood feels cold on a warm Spring day

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Oh finally a free day!!!
A fantastically prearranged day of NOTHING!!
I just love taking a vacation day from work and making NO plans. I should do this more often, certainly if each time it could be a lovely spring day like today.
After a long, cold, snowy winter it feels like a gift is given when the sun is warm enough to go outside without a coat, to bring the bikes out of the shed.
Hubby’s arrived home from night shift with my beloved coffee and we have zero responsibilities to comply with today.
I love these days where family memories are made.
The girlies are awake, and enjoying having very relaxed Mommy and Daddy just hanging around the house.
I’m actually enjoying getting my 5 year old daughter S ready for her morning of Senior Kindergarten, having my 3 year old C  beg to go to school with her.
Holding my 3 year old, soothing her as she sobs deeply at the unfairness of life before school years.
Bye bye darling S , have a great day….no you’re not going to the sitter’s today, we will be picking you up from school, yes we’re REALLY home!
Yippeee!
Oh hurry Daddy is ready to go walk you to school.
Sighh, a sip of coffee while cuddling with my 3 year old C.
Bliss.
A very slow morning ensues, lovingly lazy interactions of a husband, wife and young daughter.
Plans are made for the afternoon when S returns from school.
Family time to be enjoyed, perhaps even a new experience or two as a hike is on the agenda.
11:14am the phone rings, it’s the babysitter.
Hello there.
 I’m a bit confused by the call as she knows the girls are with us today but it’s always great to have some chatty time with this woman who has become so special in our lives.
This woman whom we love, who is helping our youngest to perfect potty training before school in September.
The one who gets to hug my babies while I’m at work.
The one who they love as much as we appreciate her.
What’s that you say? You want me to sit down?
Fear….
WHAT’S GOING ON BABYSITTER?
Okay, there was a situation there this morning….Thank goodness the girls were HOME….one of the other little girls fathers arrived to speak with you?
OK, so not invested yet but waiting for it…
WHAT!!!
That 14 year old boy, the son of a “helper” at your daycare with Asperger’s ….yes I know him.
Wait, what did you say?
Little daycare girl’s brother told her father he witnessed WHAT?
OMG
14 year old boy….whom I was told was NEVER alone with ANY of the daycare kids, whom I’ve never seen alone with them…..
he touched the little girl?
Bile is rising in my throat, frantically I look for MY little girl ….gasping for air as hubby walks to me, concern in his eyes.
Ok so Father of little girl, the policeman is letting you know so you are prepared for the investigation…..that all the daycare children will be spoken to….that the parents should be notified?
Yes I hear you saying you’re not claiming that my little babies were ever left alone with Him, that you’re not saying that MY BABIES have been touched….BUT!!!
A loud ringing in my ears as I get off the phone, hyperventilation is just a breath away as I recount the story quietly to Hubby….Oh Hubby…..Dear Lord I am not prepared for this, HELP.
The cold sets in, my body doesn’t move unless necessary.
 I am still.

 Frozen in this fear as Hubby and I stare at each other surrounded by the sounds of our 3 year old gift playing.

Visions of TV talk shows where they say that parents often lead the child into recounting a situation incorrectly because of the way they phrase their questions, by their fears….
Deep breath.
“Hey C, come to Mummy for a sec”
“What Mama”
“When you’re at Babysitters, who pulls down your pants”
waiting, praying for her to say Babysitter and look at me like I’m crazy
“14 year old boy does when we play”
Time stops.
My blood feels cold.
Smiles plastered on our faces we stop the conversation and Hubby calls C over to play with him.
She is delighted.
My body remembers to breathe as my mind is filled with her smile, her laughter, the echos of what was our worry free day.
I call my sister, tell her, beg her to HELP.
She can’t change it.
I call the Children’s Aid Society, needing her to see someone who knows what this is, this horrific, dark thing which I don’t want.
I don’t want to ruin her by speaking about it with her in the wrong manner.
I CAN’T FIX THIS!!
I don’t know what it is.
We can go over there immediately, they will be waiting and will make sure C is comfortable, she will enjoy the experience I’m assured, she will not have any idea that this DARK thing is being discussed.
They will want to talk to our precious 5 year old after school as well.
Our lazy family afternoon won’t happen, we won’t be going hiking.
Will this be our family memory instead?
This post was written in response to the prompt from The Red Dress ClubThis week’s Red Writing Hood assignment is to write – fiction or non-fiction – about a time when you/your character took a detour. Where had you intended to go and where did you end up?

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Comments

  1. says

    Wow. My heart was in my throat!! Like Annette, I hope it was fiction – and if it wasn't – whoa!!I know that for some people this is far from fiction. I can only hope that parents treat this issue the way you / your character did in the story…not with shame and fearmongering the way it was handled when I was a child.

  2. says

    Hello friends in the blogisphere, unfortunately it's not fiction. Maybe one day I'll be able to write about the whole ride but rest assured our little princess wasn't hurt by the events. So far as we can tell there are no lasting impressions in her young mind.

  3. says

    Wow! Im so saddened to read this :( But, thankful to see you noted so far no lasting problems from this. Im so sorry your babies had to deal with this at all.

  4. says

    Thanks Cheryl, I'm grateful to the Red Dress Club challenge for giving me the chance to explore my feelings.It's something which happened a few years ago and I haven't really looked back on it once life had moved on. But we as parents are forever changed, thank God my girls aren't.

  5. says

    I'm so glad that life hasn't changed for your little girl, and I'm so very sorry this happened. :( I think this is a fear most moms of daughters face, and pray never becomes a reality. Your feelings and thoughts fit the hectic shock of what you heard. Thank you for sharing this part of your life.

  6. says

    You know Steph, we did everything we could to ensure this was a good, loving daycare. Refrence checks, unplanned visits…the whole gammut. Life sometimes happens.

  7. says

    This story is like starting down a nice peaceful river, only to discover there are rapids ahead!I had a similar experience with my eldest daughter,who is now 32-years-old and married. It wasn't a day care, however, but the son of a friend and she told us, thinking she was just telling us about a game they played. They were both very young and I don't think they had any idea of how their parents would react to their "game." I was never sure if we handled things right or not, but we did the best we could to talk to her about this w/o making it a big deal. We didn't see very much of that little boy again, however.It is different when it's a daycare, but I think you summed up best by saying "Life sometimes happens." You deal with it and move on. Fortunately, children are very resilient:~)

  8. says

    Thanks Yolanda, it was definately something we NEVER want to repeat but it's amazing how much all those parenting classes came into effect automatically.Thank you for sharing Sara, I'm sorry you went through it too.

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