20 Days – What Time Can Bring

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20 Days, that’s all I had

20 days of able body and mind sobriety

20 days of facing my disease and the low-level of my emotional state

20 days to feel frightened, irritable, angry, intrigued and hopeful by the changes which are sobriety

20 days of learning how to live in the same consciousness as my emotions

20 days where I went from “no I’m not an alcoholic” to “Dear God help me, I’m an alcoholic”

20 days to talk openly with my husband about my fears and hopes

20 days to play with my 2 daughters, going tobogganing and hiking in the snow

20 days to begin get to know God again

20 days to walk into 12 Step meeting rooms and learn to open my mind and heart

20 days to truly laugh with my daughters and family about nothing at all

20 quiet mornings with coffees and 12 Step reading

20 pain-free mornings to rush out the door to the career I loved

20 days of quietly reconnecting with my husband

20 evenings alone with my daughters while my husband was at work, evenings filled with gymnastics giggles and tickles

20 days and nights to begin to build my foundation of faith and renew my relationship with God

20 days to begin to change my life

And then….

40 seconds changed my life

40 seconds of icy roads; an out of control SUV in front of me; an impact I cannot remember

40 seconds took away my physical ability to lift and cuddle my daughters; to play with them in the manner I used to; to tie their shoes; to bend over and smell flowers with them

40 seconds erased my short-term memory; days, minutes and seconds forever gone as soon as they happen

40 seconds stole my husband’s capable, high energy, successful wife

40 seconds robbed me of my career which I had worked tirelessly to achieve

40 seconds altered my life as I knew it, I was no longer self-sufficient, social, free nor active

40 seconds of time has left me with me pain which I would never have imagined

40 seconds in a lifetime changed my children’s Mother in ways they cannot understand

40 seconds altered my path which I had carefully begun to lay out

And since…..

620 days have passed since the accident

620 days I’ve remained sober

620 days of pain, exhaustion, anxiety, loss, challenges beyond my realm of understanding

620 days of learning

620 days of being grateful to God and growing our relationship

620 days of seeing the world in this new, appreciative light

620 days of therapy, assessments, exhaustion and medications

620 days I have turned my will and my life over to God

620 days of watching my daughters grow, laugh and learn

620 days of finding ways to keep memories, blogging, taking photos and journaling

620 days of admiring my amazingly supportive husband

620 days of friendship

620 days of accepting the unknown; realizing that God is in control

620 days of putting myself out here, loud and proud of who and what I’ve become

620 days of prayer

620 days, that’s what I’ve had since those 40 seconds and those 20 days.

Any man can fight the battles of just one day.

This is my sober life thus far, I’m so blessed to have had this much time!

What are you doing with your time?

Are you focusing upon what’s important?

 ***I wrote this in response to the following prompt to “write freely about a moment” on Just Write with Heather***

 

 

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Comments

  1. says

    You my dear..are nothing short of amazing. Having been lucky enough to know you before AND after – those 40 seconds did nothing to steal your sparkle and that ‘thing’ about you that draws people in. I hate that you’ve had to endured all that you’ve had…I love that you are a part of my life.

  2. says

    What an amazing post Julie!
    It was such an honor to be one of your roomies at Blissdom Canada and I’m looking forward to seeing you again!.. In the mean time I will read your super-fantastical blog :)

  3. says

    This post took my breath away, broke my heart, then squeezed me in a huge bear hug. What an incredible journey.

    Wow. Just … Wow.

    Amen, sister.

    • says

      All of our journeys are diverse and unpredictable….it’s a matter of taking it one day at a time isn’t it? Thanks so much for coming by, off to visit your blog!

  4. says

    I just started reading your blog and came to this post….wow. It honestly gave me goosebumps. What a ride you have been on. Congrats on the sobriety :)

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