I haven’t been entirely honest…..
My husband has pointed out that I’m not really telling “all” here on my blog, that I’m skimming over some aspects of who I am and holding back. Believe me when I say that this has led to challenging conversations between us, I love the fact that he is able to be direct with me but oh it does sting at times. Imagine me sitting with him, listening to his point of view….my stomach in knots, feeling over-protective of my little writing space….believe it or not I didn’t raise my voice or use my favorite profanities once during our discussions….gold star for me!
Hearing the truth sucked because I had been avoiding it. I do share a lot of myself here, in fact I know it’s made some people in my “real” life uncomfortable, heck they’ve told me directly and even asked not to be included in my articles here. I get that, there ARE some aspects of my life which are off-limits; you’ll never read anything about my sex-life, anything which would damage someone in my life or jeopardize someone’s privacy. I don’t write drunk-a-logs nor will I ever write about the ongoing legal issues resulting from my car accident (no matter how great the articles would be!).
Sounds like I have a pretty good hold on my limits doesn’t it? Except they’re going to expand, I hate to admit it but my husband is correct. Anyone who tells him I wrote that should fear for their lives…just sayin.
Apparently I’ve been toeing the line, believe it or not I’m serious!
I’ve been cautious…not fearful but almost non-committal with my views on subjects which I’m passionate about. I’ve felt the urge to write about certain situations but lazily watched the opportunities pass by. By simply omitting these topics I’ve steered any challenging conversations away from me, in turn this makes sure I’m not ruffling feathers.
You see, I began this blog as a journal for my recovery to help me remember it. Over time I decided to try and expand my readership from the recovery area into a more main-stream audience. I wanted to get my message across all demographics, to remove the stigma from alcoholism and show people that they can improve their lives…..that fear is just a feeling and we CAN overcome it.
Coming into the mainstream and loudly proclaiming that I’m an alcoholic was strange at first, both for me and my new readers. I believe you all have gotten to know me and frankly I’ve gotten comfortable with you all. I must be comfy if I’m sharing my Christmas stories, my negative internal thoughts, my pain and my failings as a mother with you.
Comfortable is a GOOD feeling, what the hell am I doing risking losing it?
Well between my husband’s much-too-bloody-true comments and Single Dad Laughing’s post I am feeling convicted.
Convicted…now there’s a good word but it’s a pain-in-the-rump when you get the actual feeling. I use that word when I feel something in my gut, when my heart is screaming at me to do something I don’t want to.
In this case I am feeling like I have to open myself up more here, I have to share my views on things that matter. Yes I’ll still be writing about my meandering everyday happenings, sharing fab products when I can and revealing what inspires me….but you’re going to get the rest of me as well.
There is more you know, I’m not simply this dashing, witty vixen I appear to be.
There is a side of me who gets ticked off, who has strong views on people who milk the system, the judgmental folks who live in glass houses….I have views on things which I haven’t shared here and from here on in I will.
This is your warning….this is my coming out, I promise to keep it clean, to refrain from using the foul words my potty-mouth wants to, I will ensure I’m respectful but from here on out I will not hold back….I am going to share myself as I state: “Straight Up!”
Because this Alcoholic, Christian, Wife, Mother, Friend….well she just can’t waste time pussy-footing around. I will write about the hard topics I spend time thinking about and I do hope you’ll be here for the ride…..especially if we disagree, the conversations could be enlightening on all sides.
What do you think, is this a good start…are you ready for this ride?
Thanks to Hubby and to Dan at Single Dad Laughing, you’re both jerks for inspiring me to take the plunge….but I appreciate that!