Christian Me – A Square Peg In a Round Hole

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If you’ve ever looked at my About Me page or happened upon my Twitter or Facebook Profiles you will have noticed that I’m a self-described Christian woman. In every description of who I am or two-liner I send to publishers I mention my faith.

I Tell The World That I’m Christian

This is done by design, I believe that God led me to begin writing here and it is His wish that I share all of my fallible self with the world. I say this humbly, not from a showy angle. There would be little point in me talking about any aspect of my life while excluding my faith when it is my belief in God’s purpose for my life which guides my every move….or it should be.

I’m human and often find that my ego and self-will has gotten in the way, it could be when I overspend on a delicious pair of shoes or spend far too much time worrying about what someone thinks about me….but in each instance in my life where I make a mistake generally it’s because I haven’t turned to God first and sought out His will for me in the situation.

Are you pausing at this stage, ready to close the window thinking to yourself: “Seriously does this chick think that God cares what pair of shoes she’s buying?”

Can’t really blame you, but if the purchase would harm my family’s finances and lead me further down a path of selfishness which would grey my lines of acceptable behaviors then yes I do believe God should have the opportunity to provide me with His input.

Go on snicker…..I assure you in the past I would but I’ve had the opportunity to experience a life change when I found Christ. Since then many things in my perspective have changed, I don’t go it alone anymore. I don’t need to be that strong, capable woman….God has enough Serenity, Courage and Wisdom for me….all I have to do is turn to Him.

Choices As A Christian

I’ve proven enough times in my life how incapable and weak I am when I’m left to my own devices, I don’t need any further convincing. Maybe it’s overkill to turn to my creator when it comes to a pair of shoes but the alternative frightens the bejebus outta me enough that I’ll dot every i and cross every t before I take a chance of cognitively driving the bus which is my life.

Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean that my nature was suddenly changed, in fact if anything it’s been a struggle to alter my instinctual way of living. For so many years my moral lines of black and white had been greyed to suit my needs…..that redefining them is often a painful process. I don’t fit easily into the mold of humanity which God has clearly outlined in the Bible, He doesn’t expect me to easily.

In order for me to follow Jesus as a member of His community I must act in defiance to my instinct, ignore my will and seek to change my behaviors/thoughts to become in line with Christ.

Why would I ever choose to belong to a community that goes against what I consider to be my “gut” or “base” nature?

Why would I seek this growth? This challenge?

God’s Grace is an amazing thing!

God Loves The Imperfect Christian

The grace which God has shown me has taught me to trust in Him, to give him my life in totality knowing that he truly has my best interest at stake. God knows everything about me, He sees into the shadows of my hidden self and KNOWS me. He accepts me and is willing to help me improve, learn and change….all while loving me…..

The love I have for God comes from a humble place I had never thought I’d be, a place of true humility where I’m aware of my weakness of character and willing to submit.

In this submission to God I’ve found freedom, freedom from myself and my worldly expectations of what is right and or wrong.

By the same token in this submission I’ve found that life as a Christian presents it’s challenges, by nature I’m a people pleaser….I want everyone to be happy and feel loved, I was the hostess with the mostest for a reason! I want to be liked…….but professing my faith so openly can become a polarizing issue for some folks, by stating it in black and white there is a chance that I’ll make folks feel uncomfortable for whatever reason…..

But there’s a chance that conversation will be stimulated, that a seed will be planted and who knows perhaps Jesus will work in someone’s life. Maybe by showing you all my imperfect self you’ll feel compelled to begin to investigate Christianity, to get answers to those questions which have felt like a barrier so far.

Being a Christian woman in the year 2012 isn’t always an easy choice as our culture is much more welcoming to the New Age style of faiths….but for me it’s the perfect, if often uncomfortable fit!

Philippians 4:19 “But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus.”

 

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Comments

  1. says

    Just before I read your blog, I was reading one where someone was stating that they don’t believe in God and they didn’t understand “faith”. I wanted to reply, my heart knew what i wanted to say, but I couldn’t get it out where is would sound right to someone else.

    You said it perfectly.

    I think I’m going to go over to her blog and post a link to this.
    Wendy [mapsgirl] recently posted..ww: umlauts?My Profile

  2. says

    Hey Julie! I hope you are having an amazing day… Ahh, free will and God’s will… what a finely blurred line. I remember when I first got sober, I didn’t understand what “God’s will” meant. I was like, “How the floop am I suppose to know what God’s will is for me?!” I was seriously freaking out about it.

    Now I get it, although (like you) I am a people pleaser and often have a hard time NOT imposing my will on others (or myself for that matter). So interesting how that works.. letting people find their own path without the injection of myself into their lives.

    And on me imposing my will into my own life, “I have to Let Go and Let God.”

    Have a blessed day, Julie!

    Darlene
    Darlene Steelman recently posted..Just Be…My Profile

  3. says

    I love and relate to everything you said. It’s like you read my mind! I don’t know how people get through life without acknowledging God or a higher power. I know I can’t. No one ever preached to me or tried to convert me but I took notice of certain people and their choices. When I got sober, I paid attention even more. Some people had a certain peace that I wanted to emulate and many of them were Christians. Their quiet confidence in God’s love was a big influence on me. Some people in my life had a hard time when I became a Christian (more so than when I got sober) but I won them back over by loving them. Love is hard to resist.
    Karen recently posted..Vacation TriggersMy Profile

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