Serenity is Hard To Come By When My Kids Are Driving Me Batty

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Ah it’s Sunday which is usually a relaxed day here, church is generally the only commitment we make and leave the rest of the day open. Today I had actually booked myself to attending a meeting where I’d hear from a man who has established a dynamic program where he speaks to high-school aged kids about alcoholism. I was really looking forward to gathering information for the program some of us folks in suburbia are going to establish…..

Alas it wasn’t to be, my alarm hadn’t yet woken me when I was once again rudely awoken by our offspring. Apparently someone had left the front door wide open and Miss Coco Bean (our naughty boxer) saw this as an opportunity to leap around the neighborhood saying hello to anything that moved.

To say I am a slow riser these days is the understatement of the year, between interrupted sleep (chronic pain) and meds I’m as alert as a cotton ball. My darling husband leapt out of the marital bed sans snuggle time and happily (totally bloody lying, he was swearing like a trucker under his breath) retrieved our wayward mutt.

Shuffling into the kitchen to turn on the cup of life machine I was greeted by the sight of spilled cereal, milk on the counter and two girls arguing over who left the front door open.

Ahhh yes the bliss which is my life.

It’s been a while since I’ve written about the mundane every day existence of our family, I just realized this today. Seems to me that anyone who follows Sober Julie Doing Life on Facebook gets the low down and I apologize for not airing my dirty laundry here more often.

So what’s new? Well for those who aren’t aware I was in a car accident 2.5 years ago and still living with the chronic pain, mental and emotional challenges….oh and now the legal issues. I can’t write about it but suffice it to say it’s draining.

My faith remains strong, it’s amazing how God has built me up during this time when I was torn down…..there’s a book in that one day where I’ll be struggling not to use profanity as I am now.

Over the summer we’ve spent some time at our trailer in Muskoka which is a (agonizing) 2 hour drive from our home. The drive is spattered with children arguing, asking how long until we get there, pit stops for my pain and oh yeah I can’t drive on the highway so my Hubby has to drive us there and back even if he’s working that day.

Muskoka is one of my favorite places on earth and I’ve written about it often, it’s where I find peace and serenity simply with the landscape. Days spent feeding deer, attending chapel, reading, meditating and sleeping when the children are at program rejuvenate me.

Peace and serenity have often seemed far off this summer, in between the moments where we were making memories my children have been seriously challenged by the need to defy any/everything I say…..ah the joys of motherhood are overwhelming.

Are you all warm and fuzzy yet?

Ok let me lend some light to this lamenting post, I’m sitting in my recliner right now…yes the Sleekcliner is in full effect!!…with my legs raised, my back supported by a pillow and my precious neck pillow in place here is where I write. Call me SEXY now!

Sitting here on my throne I have read some amazing posts from my blog reader today. I’ve read how a friend has found hope while battling cancer, how another mother found joy during her child’s tantrum (you know I’m re-reading that one). Blogs bring me inspiration, not only for writing but for my hard heart.

It’s you folks out there who read who motivate me to keep going, with a simple message I become fired up to continue on the days when it would be easier to close this down. When I’m feeling beaten by all that life throws at me God will send me a boost through one of you, it ALWAYS happens.

Why would I want to close my blog?

Ah well many reasons, not the least of which is lawsuit related…..apparently a person who blogs is fully able to return to their past life. There, I said it and will leave it at that. Add to this the airing of dirty laundry, well thankfully I haven’t written much that would fire folks up but being “Out” and open about my alcoholism isn’t always simple in the real world. By seeking to inspire others I’ve committed myself to this life, to keeping myself on track in thought and deed…..and it’s not always easy to see the best in others while sweeping away the shadows of my life.

On the flip side blogging has given me somewhat of a purposeful feeling for my days. It stimulates me to arise from slumber when I want to hide from the pain of my life, writing allows me to rise above and find the spiritual plane I choose to live upon.

Whew there ya go, blather much Julie?

I’ve also been reading back on my blog, going back 1 year and seeing where I was at. This time last year I wrote Practice Makes Perfect and I can still learn from what I wrote…in hindsight I’m actually quite intelligent at times.

It is only by redirecting the direction of my longing that I have found my own value and purpose. Quite simply it is my love which defines me, my loves are habits. By changing my social practices, activities and thoughts my love has been channeled to a different end. Towards an end which continues to afford me serenity.

Today there’s not much I can say that will beat that…above all of the challenges in life I am blessed. Blessed with breath in my body, faith in my heart and the knowledge that I am NOT in control and simply have to be aware of the amazing opportunities to grow around me.

I CAN change my thoughts while in the midst of a horrific childhood tantrum….that lasts DAYS…..I CAN take back my emotions and see my children through God’s eyes….and CHOOSE to feel blessed even in those messy moments which feel like they last forever.

 

 

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