Denying My Alcoholism Didn’t Solve It – A Reader’s Story

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SoberSober doesn’t Suck!is a place for people to share their stories of drinking, addiction and recovery openly and honestly. There is no requirement of sobriety for posting, if you’re concerned about your using I want to hear from you too.

If you’d like to tell your story, your feelings about your own addiction or that of someone else in your life please head over to the Sober doesn’t Suck! page. Addiction affects the people around us, I’m interested in sharing all sides.

Thank you to Darlene Steelman for joining us today, your story will help someone who is still suffering. You can find Darlene over at Sober Living – Life At Full Throttle where she shares her sober journey and love of motorcycles among other things.

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Hitting bottom was never something I thought was in me.  I mean, after all, I was a young, together, attractive woman in 2006.  I drank too much, true, but was I really an alcoholic?

When the day came that Bucks County Children and Youth stepped in and told me I had two options: give them my two daughters or they take them away from me I was appalled. Sure, my kids weren’t going to school, but I had a good reason for that.  I had a good reason for everything.

I still was in denial about my addiction, my alcoholism.

Of course, I gave them my girls.  What else could I do?  I had heard horror stories about going through hell trying to get kids back after they had been taken away.

Still, I kept drinking.

Now I had an excuse.  I had to give my kids up!

Couldn’t anyone see the pain in all of that?

The truth is, there was no pain.  I was a selfish, shallow woman with nothing left.  I was living in my ex-bosses basement (who was married) giving him blow jobs for money, pills and booze.

The last day of my horror, I woke up to the television still on, empty coffee cups and cigarette butts everywhere. I walked by the same full length mirror I had passed each day for the last two months.

I took a long hard look in the mirror and actually jumped back at the image that faced me.

I looked like hell wrapped in death.

I dropped to my knees and sobbed as I begged God to help me.  God, please help me.

God heard me that day.

May 26, 2006 was my first sober day!

I have had the privilege of living two lives when I really think about it. Nothing has helped me appreciate the heaven I live in these days when I think back to the hell I lived in not long ago.

Thanks for letting me share.

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Comments

  1. says

    “I had an excuse for everything” was totally me too. I am glad you found your way out.

    My opinion is that you were not a selfish, shallow woman. You were a woman who was sick with a disease. I think your story is amazing. Thank you for your courage to share.

  2. Cathy says

    Very inspiring…I think its so important to share with one another…amazing how we all can relate to something in each of our stories.

    All the best,
    Blessings
    Cathy

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