Back in the good ‘ol days before I got sober I loved to dance. Weekends were a time to let loose for me; this meant getting all dolled up and going dancing with my girls. Yes of course there was plenty of booze included, hell what kind of binger would I have been if it didn’t!
Looking back, I can still remember that fluttery excited feeling in my stomach as I planned my outfit and the evenings activities. I didn’t really care where we went as long as I could dress up in something smashing and the music was dance-worthy.
This love of music and dance dates back to my childhood, so many of my memories are based in music and the sound of my Mum singing along. Just a few chords of a tune can open the gates and allow memories to come flooding back.
Music Moves Me
I was the girl who had “a song” for each boyfriend. This was both a blessing and a curse as inevitably I’d be found weeping along with the song after a teenage breakup. To this day “Break These Chains of Love” can stimulate me to being mad at my first love!
Ok exaggeration perhaps but if you’ve ever been a teenage girl in love you get my drift.
So today I’m a woman who has faced her alcoholism and dedicated herself to living in sobriety. I’m also determined to enjoy my life and experience as much as I can. You’d think that music and dancing would top my list right? Knowing how moved I am by music and my body’s movement I’d have expected to find myself out dancing often, raising my spirits without the booze.
Fact is I haven’t danced in almost 3 years. I’ve moved my body a little, swaying with a beat or gently bopped along but haven’t properly danced and dammit I miss it!
The day I got sober we attended a 40th birthday party at a bar for a friend. This may not have been the best idea but it actually turned out to be really fun. I danced sober for the first time in years and had a blast with my friends.
I Just Wanna Dance Sober!
I haven’t danced since that birthday party. I can’t dance. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’m in too much pain. 20 days after getting sober I was in a car accident that has left me with chronic pain/migraine issues. I’ve had years of therapies, tried everything I could think of and alas I haven’t danced.
I can remember the joy dancing would bring me……but I haven’t’ been able to relive it.
It’s only this week that I’ve realized how much I miss dancing. I miss the feeling of moving my body, of being aware of it in a state which isn’t painful. This is something I’ve been rolling around in my head and I’ve realized that I am going to dance again one day.
As the new year approaches I’ve decided to explore different ways to strengthen my body so that I can dance.
Nothing is impossible, heck I’ve proven this to myself by begin sober and loving life.
I refuse to resign myself to never dancing comfortably again. That’s the old me, the gal who gives up if the possibility of perfection isn’t available. Today I’m the amazing woman who doesn’t need perfection. I may never be able to strap on my stilettos for a full night of dancing but I may become the woman who can enjoy dancing in flats to one song.
This might seem trivial to some folks but it’s reflective of the loss some of us experience in sobriety. So many facets of my life changed that I am determined to get this one back! This need to dance is fueled by my need to feel physical freedom and to give myself the fun I used to enjoy.
I still find motivation, solace and so many more inspiring emotions from music. A few lyrics from Pink or Eminem can get me moving when it feels like nothing can but there’s more to this. It’s time to connect my mind, spirit AND body once and for all.
2013 will see me exploring the possibilities, I’m going to start by trying Tai Chi. I’m hoping that I can get my body moving and increase my stamina to the point where I can dance comfortably to just one song. No I’ll never be doing the oh-so-fabulous moves of my past life but heck they probably weren’t as fabulous as my drunken memories lead me to believe.
What are you doing in 2013 to improve the state of your mind, body and spirit? Have you recognized that anything is possible?
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