This week has been a tough one, I had a medial assessment booked for Tuesday which would essentially wipe out the rest of my week. At these assessments my body is prodded and moved around in ways which raise my anxiety and pain levels for days afterwards, landing me in bed to recover.
Yeah it’s a fun time she says in her most sarcastic manner….but it’s something which cannot be avoided.
To add insult to injury, I realized that our entire province was under a winter storm watch for the day of the assessment. This may not be a big deal for most folks, I mean my appointment was during the day and the storm was set to arrive in the evening but I’m not most folks as my anxiety reminded me.
Since the car accident I have a really difficult time driving or even being a passenger. Unfortunately I experience panic attacks and have to occupy myself with a book, cell phone or even meditation while on highways. It’s really curbed my lifestyle to say the least, I even had months of driving therapy with little improvement.
To make a long story short, I made it through the assessment and arrived home to rest. Thankfully my husband is super supportive and took over the household duties so I could crash.
Later Tuesday evening I had another event I couldn’t miss, two in one day is a rarity but my evening event was one of celebration.
I picked up my 3 year chip at my 12 Step Meeting!!!!
It was a surreal day really, beforehand I’d been asking God why he couldn’t allow me to enjoy my chip celebration without having the shadow of pain and exhaustion the assessment would leave me with.
I’d been angry that both events were on the same day.
God Didn’t Need My Anxiety
In the end I came home, made a smoothie and sat chatting with my husband about the day. It struck me that God’s plan is never one which I will understand but if I roll with life usually I can see the outcome.
Tuesday began with a HUGE challenge which did indeed leave me suffering but the evening event left me filled up spiritually and full of joy!
So today I’m still experiencing pain, I’m still exhausted but my heart is light because I choose to focus on the positive and see God’s work around me.
Once again I’ve learned that life can be messy and it’s up to me how I choose to perceive life. When I focus upon God’s will I can overcome almost anything.
Hopefully the next time I’m worrying about a life event, I’ll remember to put aside the worry and focus on the beautiful things and people around me knowing that God’s got this.
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