The summer has blown past me and here I am with just a few days left of the kids being home. This has me cheering internally on one level and also boo-hooing on another level. I’ll be so happy to get back to my easy routine, I run a digital marketing company from home which brings new meaning to the word CHALLENGE with the kids home. On the other hand I’ll miss being able to tell the girls to pack up on a whim and taking off for the day together.
With this end to the season I’m doing what I do best….mulling and pondering. With the change of the seasons or big events in our lives, I tend to get introspective about the experiences, lesson and growth I’ve had in my own world.
Yesterday we enjoyed a visit with 2 of the most amazing women I know, my mother-in-law and her life partner. These women have been side-by-side with us through our 11 years of marriage and have been privvy to the good and the bad which we’ve been through. As we were working away in the kitchen yesterday, my MIL’s partner took a moment to tell me that she admires me. I couldn’t believe my ears, here is a woman who I would strive to be like and I’ve somehow impressed her?
In just 3 minutes she had me feeling deeply honoured, hearing how she and my MIL have noticed the strength I’ve drawn on from God and how I turned my life around when I probably shouldn’t have due to the adversity I’ve faced.
When Life is HELL…Believe and have Faith
That conversation touched me deep within my soul and has me thinking about the changes I’ve made in my life in just 4.5 short years. I’ve gotten and remained sober (by the grace of God), have recovered from physical and cognitive limitations from a car accident, survived 2 lawsuits, experienced a career change, strengthened my faith, renewed the spark in my marriage…..the list is MASSIVE.
Over these years there have been dark days, days when I frightened myself with my desire to drink, my ability to withdraw and even by the desire to just be away….to RUN.
Thankfully I didn’t do any of the gut-reactions I faced…instead each time I turned to God. I ranted at God, raged and even cried and begged…..and somehow I managed to get through it.
It wasn’t only God I reached out to, I also turned to professionals, friends and family.
During the difficult or bloody awful moments/hours and days…I reached out for help and that is the ONLY thing which saved my life and has improved it. I firmly believed that I could get through this, I recognized how weak and broken a human can be and didn’t let my own ego get in the way of my improvement.
These days my pain is less, my health is better but there are still days when I want to hide. I am gentle with myself but also don’t take my fears as fact. My fears are powerful! I am afraid of physical pain, of loss of security and well so many other human things. This fear can easily take over if I don’t focus on my life mantra which is that God is so much stronger than I am and will provide what I need if I turn to him.
Today as I reflect I KNOW how blessed I am. I have done nothing to deserve God’s love and yet his love is more powerful and beautiful than I can explain…and I feel it.
Today I wish the same for all of you, that you will turn to God and others when you’re weak or in a dark place as this act of humility will help bring you to a new day.
Today I’d like to thank EVERYONE who reads my blog, you’ve helped save me and I am grateful!