I am special……when I was a little girl in my bed at night I would lay there just knowing this HUGE fact. My bed was my place to dream, I loved my room. There were no frills or canopy bed like a friend of mine had, but I had Holly Hobby characters framed on my walls and dollies on my wallpaper.
I would lay there and have conversations with my “friends” and we would plan my life. I just KNEW I was destined for Greatness and couldn’t wait for it to happen. I recall asking my Mum when I would find my prince….picturing living in a castle with horses and all my friends and family around me. Greatness then wasn’t specific, but I wanted it to happen NOW, I couldn’t wait. Each night I would pray to Jesus and thank him for his sacrifice for me.
This impatience is something which I have worked hard to lose in my sobriety. I heard a man in the rooms say early on “Be where your hands are”. This was an amazing concept for me, it really hit home. Of course when I relayed this pearl of wisdom that night to my Husband he immediately got a naughty glint in his eye and brought it to a whole ‘nuther level ;) I digress….bless him.
One of the major focuses in my life this past year has been to slow down, well okay the accident made me TOTALLY slow down but I have been focused upon accepting it.
Each morning I’ve prayed the same things:
- For God to take my will
- For His purpose to be obvious to me on that day (I’m not the brightest bulb on the string)
- For God to give me his strength to be still, to pause often, to be aware
There’s often more but through the day I’ve found I’m praying often. See to me I don’t need to be on my knees beside my bed to connect with Jesus, JC is always with me. When I feel high anxiety, happiness, pain or anything He is sharing it with me. I know that God planned me, my life, my purpose, down to each hair on my head. Knowing this in my heart has helped me come to accept it.
I do not know my purpose but often it is revealed to me over time. I would never have thought that I would be an alcoholic, be overweight, have a head of white hair, naturally sarcastic, love a challenge….I really didn’t picture myself as I am today. Nor did I concieve to be on such a deep journey with God. But God knew.
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
I’m in the process of deciding what to have engraved upon my chip and I’m leaning towards:
Oh and guess what? I AM special in the eyes of God, as is each and every person on this Earth. Amazingly enough He loves us all, stains included!!!
Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary