20 Days, that’s all I had
20 days of able body and mind sobriety
20 days of facing my disease and the low-level of my emotional state
20 days to feel frightened, irritable, angry, intrigued and hopeful by the changes which are sobriety
20 days of learning how to live in the same consciousness as my emotions
20 days where I went from “no I’m not an alcoholic” to “Dear God help me, I’m an alcoholic”
20 days to talk openly with my husband about my fears and hopes
20 days to play with my 2 daughters, going tobogganing and hiking in the snow
20 days to begin get to know God again
20 days to walk into 12 Step meeting rooms and learn to open my mind and heart
20 days to truly laugh with my daughters and family about nothing at all
20 quiet mornings with coffees and 12 Step reading
20 pain-free mornings to rush out the door to the career I loved
20 days of quietly reconnecting with my husband
20 evenings alone with my daughters while my husband was at work, evenings filled with gymnastics giggles and tickles
20 days and nights to begin to build my foundation of faith and renew my relationship with God
20 days to begin to change my life
40 seconds changed my life
40 seconds of icy roads; an out of control SUV in front of me; an impact I cannot remember
40 seconds took away my physical ability to lift and cuddle my daughters; to play with them in the manner I used to; to tie their shoes; to bend over and smell flowers with them
40 seconds erased my short-term memory; days, minutes and seconds forever gone as soon as they happen
40 seconds stole my husband’s capable, high energy, successful wife
40 seconds robbed me of my career which I had worked tirelessly to achieve
40 seconds altered my life as I knew it, I was no longer self-sufficient, social, free nor active
40 seconds of time has left me with me pain which I would never have imagined
40 seconds in a lifetime changed my children’s Mother in ways they cannot understand
40 seconds altered my path which I had carefully begun to lay out
620 days have passed since the accident
620 days I’ve remained sober
620 days of pain, exhaustion, anxiety, loss, challenges beyond my realm of understanding
620 days of learning
620 days of being grateful to God and growing our relationship
620 days of seeing the world in this new, appreciative light
620 days of therapy, assessments, exhaustion and medications
620 days I have turned my will and my life over to God
620 days of watching my daughters grow, laugh and learn
620 days of finding ways to keep memories, blogging, taking photos and journaling
620 days of admiring my amazingly supportive husband
620 days of friendship
620 days of accepting the unknown; realizing that God is in control
620 days of putting myself out here, loud and proud of who and what I’ve become
620 days of prayer
620 days, that’s what I’ve had since those 40 seconds and those 20 days.
Any man can fight the battles of just one day.
This is my sober life thus far, I’m so blessed to have had this much time!
What are you doing with your time?
Are you focusing upon what’s important?
***I wrote this in response to the following prompt to “write freely about a moment” on Just Write with Heather***
beautifully said Julie.
Thanks Tara ;)
You my dear..are nothing short of amazing. Having been lucky enough to know you before AND after – those 40 seconds did nothing to steal your sparkle and that ‘thing’ about you that draws people in. I hate that you’ve had to endured all that you’ve had…I love that you are a part of my life.
Oh Sara, you’re such a wonderful person in my life. I’m grateful that we’ve reconnected in this strange blogisphere lol.
Jennifer Hunt says
What an amazing post Julie!
It was such an honor to be one of your roomies at Blissdom Canada and I’m looking forward to seeing you again!.. In the mean time I will read your super-fantastical blog :)
Can’t wait to see you again soon Jennifer!
Tear worth post, Julie! Very beautiful and emotional.
Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much
Praise God! What a story! Thank you for sharing!
Take care Julie and have a good and Godly week :-)
And thanks for your recent comment on My Blog
This post took my breath away, broke my heart, then squeezed me in a huge bear hug. What an incredible journey.
Wow. Just … Wow.
All of our journeys are diverse and unpredictable….it’s a matter of taking it one day at a time isn’t it? Thanks so much for coming by, off to visit your blog!
I just started reading your blog and came to this post….wow. It honestly gave me goosebumps. What a ride you have been on. Congrats on the sobriety :)
Susan Schenk says
Julie – I love this post. So honest and real — thanks for sharing life.
Wow. What a powerful post.
Congratulations on your many days of sobriety-although I’m sorry for the pain you are in.