Happy Friday everyone!
Today I’m working on a draft of a talk I am giving on Monday night, the topic is “I am undisciplined.”
Each time I have a Speaking engagement I become all jazzed up, I love sharing my story but more than that I grow each time I share. This topic is not easy, it would be simple for me to say…yes I’m an alcoholic and was obviously undisciplined. There, the session is finished and we only have 35 minutes left….that wouldn’t work so well.
Who wants to explore this, I would rather hide from this area of my life!
If I admit I’m undisciplined aren’t I admitting failure?
Valiant efforts are made by us to ignore these traits of ours and to focus upon the good, too often we think that if we focus upon this our house of cards could collapse.
Something in my life spurred me on to explore this a while back, believe me it wasn’t coming from my weak human spirit, God had to all but smack me across the face to get my attention.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, that’s a line I often hear and it’s true in my life. Resist how I will, I had to look at my undisciplined nature in order to change it. I chose to trust that God was leading me and could be the strength which I lacked to face this, I trusted that God could change me as he had promised.
I began by making a list where I wrote down all of the areas of my life where I am undisciplined.
- over eating
- patience with my husband
- compassion for others
- avoiding housework
My list was huge, I was taking the time to be utterly honest with myself, I ignored my natural aversion to this and just trudged on with taking stock. With my list done I sat and looked at it, it was overwhelming…I had no idea how to affect the change in my life I wanted.
The first one I chose was the addiction to alcohol, it was the most prevalent in my life and carried the most weight in how it affected others in my life.
By turning to God I gave up control of my will, I gave up the control that alcohol had in my life. I couldn’t live in the state I had been, allowing the desire of my flesh to rule my actions. This one time I humbly asked God to take over and believed that he would.
With that belief came hope and with hope I was filled with courage. This courage wasn’t mine, honestly I was beyond weak when it came to alcohol. Yet, the more I followed the path being laid out for me, the easier resistance became.
Prayer is an important part of this battle, in the beginning I didn’t know how to pray. I simply opened my soul to God and begged for help, I admitted to him that I couldn’t beat this vice alone and asked him to conquer it for me.
This messy prayer was all that I needed, God would hear me and understand even if I said nothing but truly opened up to him. He provides us with the Spirit to bring our weaknesses to light and to ask for forgiveness.
The amazing thing is that God already knew what was in my heart, he already knew what I’d done and how I was undisciplined. The moment I actually realized this I knew I could overcome this addiction.
I realized that I wasn’t a failure, I was human and had many weaknesses and God could handle them all.
There was freedom in that knowledge!
My addiction didn’t suddenly disappear, nor did the other undisciplined behaviors in my life. Change takes effort and the key to change is remaining focused and ignoring the desires of my body.
This take work!
I still want my favorite red wine, at times my broken mind tries to convince me I have changed and can handle it. There is a constant battle being waged within me but today I am steady in my resolve.
The freedom I have in my life is worth any effort!
Today I choose to deal with those desires for what they are, a temptation which can ruin my life. I will always have temptation and I have to carry on doing the right things which keep me strong and healthy. If I’m not walking on my path, being aware of my natural desires and controlling them….well then I’m not doing anything.
For the rest of my life I will fight this battle, but not alone….God is always with me and so much stronger than any temptation will be.
So now today as I focus upon my over-eating I am applying the same principles to the task. I’m undisciplined in my eating and inclined to over-induldge…..I cannot trust myself to change this alone….and so I turn to God for the strength, courage and wisdom.
How about you, are there areas of your life which you’ve swept under the rug because it’s too frightening to face?
Are you ready to begin the change which you CAN make?
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Katrina Brady says
I admire your courage and your strength to help others!
I deal with fear a lot. Fear of looking stupid. Fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Fear of failure (especially when it comes to finances).
Thanks for your heartfelt post. I, too, turn to prayer often to help me conquer. Because with Christ we are more than conquerors!
Kelly @ City Mom says
Wow Julie great post! I hope that you recite this word for word at your talk on Monday. It’s perfect.
I really identified with this because I am totally undisciplined in a couple of areas, mainly over eating. Sometimes it’s like a drug and I just can’t stop. I’ve taken quite a few steps to ‘fixing’ it and it is much better but when things get tough for me, I turn to food with no regard.
I guess I’ve always known it’s because I was undisciplined in this area but I never actually read it that way or thought about it that way. Maybe now I will. Thanks!
LaQuita (Just Us Girls) says
What a great post. I’m sure if your speech is anything like this post you’ll do awesome.
Oh gosh. There are SOOOO many aspects of my life where i am ‘undisciplined’ :(
Jen - Life With Levi says
I very much see myself in a lot of what you said here. It’s hard to trust in God sometimes, but I’m working on it every day. Thanks so much for sharing and reminding me to have faith and discipline!
Whispered Inspirations says
This is amazing Julie, you are a rock for so many. God bless you through this lifelong journey.
Positively Pampered Patty says
Way to go Julie I am sure you will be great on Monday.
Multi-Testing Mommy says
What a terrific post.
I do believe that the first step to change is to admit there is something to be changed. Then, one has to be ready to make that change. That is how I have viewed some of my challenges and currently, I too am tackling the “over eating” challenge. It is really tough, but I am putting my mind to it and am happy with my success so far!
You are motivating, Julie, you really are!
Good luck with your talk. If you talk from your heart, you will do awesome!
Laurie Harrison says
“…at times my broken mind tries to convince me I have changed and can handle it. ”
This stood out for me. Yelled at me from my monitor. That is me with my battle. I will be sober 2 years on June 1, 2012. I have dreams (nightmares) about drinking. I am under the influence while I dream. This scares me because this has just began to occur in the last couple weeks. What the heck? I do not have an AA close by nor a car to get to AA. I have questions and fears but the answers (if there are any) come through God. He’s slow to answer, I find. He makes me search for answers and maybe…that is how I found your blog. Just maybe.
I feel my mind is on the edge of broken, slightly cracked, and with every drunken dream, I feel the crack getting bigger. I am scared.
I wish I could hear you speak.
I could be the poster child (old lady) for undisciplined in virtually every negative, addictive, aspect of a life. Drinking, smoking, gambling, depression, over-eating and under-eating, Xanax, despair, and the list goes on.
I don’t even know why I’m posting this comment now or what I expect to gain or offer. I’m not whining. Surprisingly, I’m being something I usually avoid being. Factual.
Hey Laurie, well first of all I’m around so just email me at soberjulie at gmail dot com when you’re wanting to talk.
Secondly there are online meetings, I use them when I can’t get out to a meeting.
Those are 2 that I’ve used. Listen if you’re not progressing, using the program or another one of your choice you’re setting yourself up for failure. Call someone, call the AA hotline and just talk….it’s cool, we’ve all been there.