Sober doesn’t Suck! is a place for people to share their stories of drinking, addiction and recovery openly and honestly. There is no requirement of sobriety for posting, if you’re concerned about your using I want to hear from you too.
If you’d like to tell your story, your feelings about your own addiction or that of someone else in your life please head over to the Sober doesn’t Suck! page. Addiction affects the people around us, I’m interested in sharing all sides.
Thank you so much to Shelly for writing down her journey, it’s not easy but I’m certain it will give someone out here hope that living a sober life is possible and not bleak!
I am just recovering from major surgery to correct some internal damage that happened when I was a little girl (I was 3). It was a time when my parents were always partying with their friends at our house, not a safe environment for any child.
I had to have what is called a “Burch Procedure and Paravaginal Repair”. Basically they had to re-position my bladder and re-align my vaginal canal because of the damage. I am now almost 3 weeks post-op and feeling really good.
All my life I thought your bladder was supposed to sit down and to the right, way below where your appendix is, who knew it’s supposed to sit in the middle with the rest of your reproductive organs? I sure didn’t. Anyway, this all contributed to my drinking, I mean who wants to remember that kind of thing?
And when you are faced with a physical reminder every day, well not being “present” sure helps avoid the issue, that is until the physical pain gets so bad you really have to have something done. And then you have to face the facts and deal with it, and drinking doesn’t help with that.
I had to admit that I had problems and issues that could not be helped along with alcohol, or drugs (not that I used many drugs, I preferred getting drunk, felt like I had some semblance of control you see…) so I thought the best way out would be to kill myself. I drank to numb the pain, and when the pain didn’t go away, the only other way out was death.
Alcohol couldn’t take away the pain.
The last time I drank was February 25, 2010. I drank a 40 oz bottle of Vodka and swallowed some pills, drove my vehicle to a remote place and planned to end my life. A friend called me out of the blue and talked to me, eventually took me to a hospital where I realized I wasn’t just killing myself, I was killing those who loved me.
I was so lucky to have a friend who really loved me, who saw through the pain to the person I really was, and made me face the fact that I needed to ask for help, not be made to accept help.
That is the difference. I needed to accept that I needed help, and I needed to ask for help.
When I broke down and asked for help, I was surprised at how much help was out there, and how understanding everyone was. It was not easy. My friend took me to the hospital but did not speak for me, I had to speak for myself. Once I did that, it was easier to accept the help, and actually get on board with therapy.
Once I accepted help, I decided I didn’t want to go back to the way I was living, and drinking was part of that. But it was a decision I made within myself, I decided to change my life, and I did. Sheer willpower and a lot of hard work. I found out that I have borderline personality disorder, not a surprise given what I had been through. I started therapy, started a medication program to help with the mood disorders, and stuck to it. I am still sticking with it 2 years later, and this surgery I had was a big part of my healing, inside and out.
I haven’t taken a drink since…and I feel good about that