With the long weekend behind me I’m reflecting on how my life has changed so drastically since I faced my alcoholism. It’s amazing to think how many long-weekends of days gone by I spent hammered and what I thought was happy.
Typically in the past when a long weekend approached my husband and I were booked up with social events. Friday evening would find me at the liquor store stocking up for the weekend.
With my over-sized swanky wine glasses polished the cork would pop by 6pm and oh I do remember that first sip of my favorite fine wine being heavenly. It marked the beginning of the freedom found in a long-weekend. Most of the weekend would be lost to evening drinking, hangovers and black outs….and yet to me this was worth looking forward to.
I always drank, from when it was legal for me to drink. And there was never a time for me when the goal wasn’t to get as hammered as I could possibly afford to. I never understood social drinking, that’s always seemed to me like kissing your sister. ~ STEPHEN KING
As we drove up North this weekend we passed a newly built LCBO (liquor store for my friends who aren’t in Canada) which is located in the perfect spot at the edge of a town on the highway. Instantly something inside me responded, my heart rate became noticeable and I felt an inner excitement.
Alcoholism Doesn’t Disappear
Over 2 years sober and my body responded to a store…..this is how the life of a recovering alcoholic works. We’re never free from it and when I least expect it my disease creeps up on me. The niggling urge was there and I knew it would continue if I didn’t face it so I followed the tips and tools I’ve learned and spoke openly to my husband about how I was feeling.
By simply acknowledging it and bringing my urges out into the open I felt a power over them. They did recede and I fortified myself by delving into a meeting and connecting with God but this reminder of who I am and how insidious the disease of alcoholism was an important for me to experience.
Today I’m grateful that I’ve found my sober life and can participate in the journey fully aware without sweeping my concerns under a proverbial rug.
Are you facing your temptations and fears head on?