I wrote this prose a while ago and thought not to share it….but of course I will because when don’t I share? The meme was reflections of a child/woman.
Who Am I
Am I that frightened little girl who doesn’t want to walk into a room because of what people will think of me.
Am I that scared woman who takes a deep breath before entering a room of strangers, pulling up the shield of indifference before people have the chance to judge me.
Am I the little girl who cries into her pillow when her friend says “You’re not my best friend anymore”.
Am I the woman whose heart breaks and is quick to throw down when I hear of my “friend” being two-faced behind my back.
Am I the young girl who won’t try something new for fear of appearing or being inadequate.
Am I the woman caught in the safe routine of life, resistant to leaving my bubble where I feel successful.
Am I the girl who mocks my friends new dress or toy because I’m filled with envy.
Am I the woman who shoots witty, vicious barbs at people for their successes, openly judging their life choices.
Am I the girl who hits before being hit.
Am I the woman who lashes out reflexively, instinctively.
Am I the girl who hides my fears, insecurities and sadness.
Am I the woman appearing successful on the outside while shrivelling up into a dark place inside.
Am I the girl who helps a friend in order to gain the praise of others.
Am I the woman who loudly assists others, hanging my identity on the praise I receive.
OR HAVE I BECOME
The little girl who runs into a room, excited about the new people she’ll meet.
The woman who is grateful for the opportunity to experience new people, places and things.
The little girl who gives her friend some space when they’re angry.
The woman whose Big Girl Panties are strong enough to withstand gossip and slander.
The young girl who tries new activities knowing she may not be very good at it but looking forward to having fun trying.
The woman who seeks balance between the comfortable and new experiences….striving to learn.
The girl who appreciates a friends happiness.
The woman who views friends successes as motivation, feeling proud of them and glad for the inspiration to get moving.
The girl who asks for help if I’m hit.
The woman who knows hurt people hurt people and can pause and reflect before responding.
The girl who recognizes her fears and is willing to learn to share them and ask for guidance.
The woman who admits to imperfection, seeking growth through her spirituality and help if necessary to keep the balance in her life.
The girl who helps people simply because she can.
The woman who will be a friend’s champion, providing support and assistance knowing that her purpose isn’t her own happiness.
Or am I somewhere in between……
I really liked this post. As a person with 10 months of sobriety, after spending over 13 years in the 12 step rooms, I feel as though I am taking a boat to the 2nd part of your woman/girl.
Thanks for sharing. :)