Sober doesn’t Suck!is a safe place for people to share their stories of drinking, addiction and recovery openly and honestly. There is no requirement of sobriety for posting, if you’re concerned about your using I want to hear from you too.
I recently received the following article from one of my readers who would prefer to remain anonymous. I’m proud to share their words, hoping someone will find comfort and hope in them.
If you’d like to tell your story, your feelings about your own addiction or that of someone else in your life please head over to the Sober doesn’t Suck! page. Addiction affects the people around us, I’m interested in sharing all sides.
Please show your support to our reader who has submitted the story below.
It was never meant to happen like this.
But it did.
Somehow, somewhere along the line,
I turned into a Drug Addict
I was 29 before I ever sought treatment and sobriety. I had some how progressed from social drug use, to full-blown addiction. 7 years of using Methamphetamine. And boy did it have me by the balls.
I never used a needle. I never had to steal to supply for my habit. But I was a ‘Junkie,’ just as much as the next guy.
From the ages of 21-23 I was a moderate to heavy
Ecstasy user. But Ecstasy got boring and from then I moved on to the world of Methamphetamine. I had my first pipe when I was at a party when I was 21. It didn’t do much for me and I kinda forgot all about it, until I met *Bob. *Bob was what I was to later on discover, a meth head. We dated for a few months and spent almost every weekend getting high. Things progressed and after a few months I broke up with him. The one thing I took with me after our break up was his love for Crystal, which was now, Mine.
Three years of social use turned to four years of pretty heavy use. I was hooked. I later, into about my fifth year of using, met a guy who was a bit of a ‘mover.’ He had a lot of money and a meth habit to match. We spent almost the whole year that we were together, getting high. It was a match made in ‘heaven.’ I quit work and most of our days and weekends were spent together, taking drugs. Until things around me started to really fall apart …….
I broke up with him after he went to jail for unrelated matters. There were many other reason’s why we split, but I started to see that me being with him, was enabling me, to use more drugs. Over the years, I had lost jobs, lost friend’s and lost family members as a result of being unreliable, unable to fulfil expectations nor cope with ‘life on life’s terms,’ and almost lost my Mind. At the ‘rock bottom’ of my drug use I found myself locked in my own bedroom, lost, alone and very scared. Every time I went on a meth bender I found myself strung out, paranoid and experiencing severe meth induced psychosis. I continued on like this, alone, still craving and using meth as much as I could, for about a year. Once every week, two weeks, or as long as I could go without. The thought of never using again frightened me, but not as much as the psychosis I too began to suffer.
Could this be the end of me and my romance with Crystal Meth?
I was lucky to meet a recovering user (who I still thank to this very day) for helping me tun my life around. She introduced me to the rooms of ‘Narcotics Anonymous’ and held my hand through crisis. Narcotics Anonymous changed me, and it was to change my views on using after the very first meeting I attended. It somehow destroyed the relationship I had with Meth. I would never be able to use again without feeling guilty, without knowing what I had become. I attended meetings for 4 months before I relapsed. And I relapsed 3 times before I was to finally decide enough was enough. I was over the turmoil, the ups and downs, constantly having to lie to my friend’s, my family and more importantly, lie to Myself, that I didn’t have a problem. I went back to the rooms, broken, embarrassed and very disappointed in myself. My relationship with Meth had changed. It no longer gave me the high I was looking for. It made me ‘crazy’ and I knew that at this stage if I didn’t quit, I would end up mentally ill and most likely, institutionalized.
I can’t go back.
I am now almost clean 4 months (again) and have been on the path to sobriety for almost 9 months. I have been battling against this demon for so long, but this time I know I can never go back. I still miss getting high. I am constantly triggered by what it seems is almost anything. A place, a person, a smell, a mere memory …. the list goes on. Now though, I have to remind myself that my sobriety is more important. I remind myself of all the negative things that Meth brought into my life.
Nowadays I don’t go to many meetings, but I still seek help via other mediums. To come out of the dark and bring my addiction out into the open, was so scary. I luckily have the support of my family, which truly means the world to me. I also have the support of my friends and I have the support of other N.A. members. More importantly though I have a burning desire inside me now to Never Give Up and never give in to the grasp of Methamphetamine, Ever again, or at least, ‘Just For Today’.
Freda Mans says
Congratulations on your sobriety!
I used a lot of jib back in the day…. have been chem-free for just over 12 years… December 11th, 2000, was my “rebirth”. I don’t miss those days one bit! Then again jib wasn’t my first choice… I loved E. Mixed with jib, coke or heroin… whatever I could get my hands on. GHB almost killed me. Special K, kicked my head in. And I got robbed once.
Yeah, I don’t miss it one bit.
Congrats on staying clean! Take comfort in the support of your family and friends. You are truly lucky to have that, as so many people don’t. You must have a great family. Keep going!
This was a fantastic post. I’m glad you shared a bit of your journey. That part about not liking being sober but liking not being arrested was good. It takes a while to get used to being sober. I think that’s not only because it’s a new way of life, but it’s a new brain chemistry too.
I have been batteling Meth addiction since I was 19. I’ve quit a couple times even for long periods o time only to
Fall right back into it. I really want to quit for good. Iam tired of what the drug is doing to me. I have no family where I
Live and dnt really know to many sober people. I believe I need treatment but have noone to help me with my three year old
While I go nor do I have ne1 2 help me with my apt. If I go to treatment idk how I would be able to keep my home. I’m really scared and don’t know where to turn. I know I can’t do this alone but don’t have many options to do it any other way. Looking for advice and support.
Praying for you here, I can understand how frightening the thought of losing your home is but for some of us we needed to see that we could lose our lives….have you tried NA or another 12 step meeting?