12 years ago I awoke knowing I’d marry the man of my dreams in just a few short hours. I had NO idea where this journey would take us, at 29 years old I simply knew that this guy was the person I wanted to do life with and had faith that we could face anything. I certainly didn’t know that one of the things we’d have to face was my alcoholism, nor that we’d face so many other life challenges. Over these years we’ve lost jobs, had illnesses, feared for our children’s well being, faced financial crisis…the list of road blocks is longer than I care to list but the fact that we’re here standing side by side is miraculous.
Marriage is a bitch, there’s no two ways about it. It’s THE most challenging relationship I’ve encountered and THE most rewarding. Combining two entirely different people to spend the rest of their lives together should be awe inspiring. As we sit in marriage ceremony watching 2 people vowing to love one another and to always honour one another aren’t we being unrealistic? How can marriage last when we have 2 people exerting their free will over years?
Add in the challenges of the world around us, children to nurture and love and the stress can become too much.
How Can a Marriage Last?
The key in our relationship has been being humble. Humility has allowed us to give 100% of ourselves even when the other is being a complete jerk. Yes I wrote that because over the years I’ve been the consummate jerk at times and my husband has done his best to rise above and be the man he wants to be. In those times when I’m stuck in my ego, if I’ve had nobody to rebel against, nobody to prove I’m right….eventually I’ve lost steam and have clued back into the reality of the situation.
Sitting here within the 12th year of our marriage, I’m struck by the fact that I’ve been sober for 1 quarter of our marriage. This quarter has blessed me with clear memories, both of good times and of the most challenging of our lives. We have come within hours of losing our home, we’ve dealt with my physical, emotional and financial repercussions of a car accident, the hell(and heaven) that is raising 2 daughters and so many other things. I’ve often wanted to run or hide and I’m sure my husband has as well but rather than taking that route, we’ve turned to each other.
This is the one person who gets me, the one I know will be there no matter how we rage at one another….we are together. Connected at the soul level, we know when each other is hurting and have learned to put ourselves aside to truly be the support each other deserves.
As imperfect as our marriage is, we are bound by our faith, our vows and our high regard for one another. With hard work, tears of sadness, joy and laughter we are wrapped together in this day celebrating the blessings.