Today I’m brining you the story of a woman whose husband is an alcoholic. She is sharing bravely and submitted her story anonymously in hopes of support. I’m proud to share her words.
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Welcome to my Rollercoaster.
My mother and biological father separated when I was a baby. My mother married my step father when I was 6 yrs old in 1991. My step dad was 21 when they got married and besides having to learn how to share my mother’s love with someone else, everything pretty much fell in line. I had a step sister that came over every other weekend which I thought was super cool.
In 1995 my mom and Dad (step dad, that I will refer to as my dad from here out bc that’s what he is) had my little sister and things were great. My mother had a job working with the state and my dad was a mechanic working at his family owned shop. They had just purchased their dream home, and things couldn’t be better.
In 1998 my mother had gastric bypass surgery, and lost a ton of weight. She was feeling good about herself and had made some new friends. She got fired from her job with state and was embarrassed and became very depressed. She started drinking heavily and we ended up having to sell the home she loved and move back in to town. Her first time in the hospital from drinking was in 2005. She would quit drinking for a month or two but would start back. By this time I’m 19 and in cosmetology school and in and out of the house. I met my husband at this time and he had problems with substances but not really alcohol. I knew he was a good person, and I knew that if someone would just love him and care for him, he would find that in himself as well. So I did.
In 2008 we had our first child, and my mother had just gotten out of the hospital from drinking again. She was so ill from drinking that she had to use a wheelchair in the hospital when I was having our baby. We came home from the hospital, and my mom really enjoyed having her first grandchild. She quit drinking again for 3-4 months and was even keeping our son while we worked. I remember thinking, this is all she needed! She needed to feel needed.
2011 rolls around and we find out we are pregnant again in December of that year. My mom was tickled to death and took me to my first OB appt. We found out at that appt that I had had a miscarriage. David and I had been together for 7 years at that time and decided that we would finally get married in February of 2012, and we did.
In late March of 2012 my mother went in the hospital from drinking for the last time, and I was pregnant again. My mother came home from the hospital on April 8th 2012, and died at home on April 11th. I was 26 yrs old and I completely shut off all emotions. I became a completely different person. So mad at my mother for leaving me for alcohol. I couldn’t, and still can’t understand it.
Fast forward to today, and David and I have been together going on 13 years, married almost 6 of those years and he drinks every day. He drinks before we do anything on the weekends, drinks at any restaurant we go to that has alcohol, and will pack cooler of beer to take with us anywhere we go. He was with me through my mother’s drinking problems and watched the emotional Rollercoaster, I would ride when she would quit drinking and start back.
He knows better than anyone how I feel about it. He knows I don’t want my two boys, to grow up thinking it’s okay to drink daily.
Last Friday he brought me into the kitchen were he poured out all his beer while I watched. He told me he was done with it. He told me he could tell what it was doing to him physically and mentally. He told me he knows what it’s doing to our relationship. Saturday, and Sunday were great. We spent time together, and actually had conversations with each other. We teased each other. It was wonderful. Come monday evening he had to have a beer to be able to sleep. He had to have a beer that night to be able to work Tuesday. Then Tuesday evening he had a couple more than what he had the night before,and here I am writing this on Wednesday, anxiously waiting for him to come home, to see how many it will be knowing that we are back to normal.
He is everything I want when he is sober. He is everything I despise when he is drinking. I’ve told him I’m no longer going to speak about his drinking, but he needs to know I am doing what I need to, to take myself and our children out of this mess. And now…I guess we wait…